Unique

A couple of decades ago I sat in a Rabbi's office to choose my Hebrew name. The name for my naming ceremony. I remember it this way. 

Rather cluttered office, kind of dusty, kind of dim, Rabbi Steve Folberg thumbing through a massive black book. We were looking for a name. We got through the "D's" without a winner, but  early in  the E's my name popped up. no really, it seemed to appear darker on the page. EITAN.

I asked the rabbi "What's that mean? What is that one there?" and he responded "Oh that's a good name, a real Hebrew name, it means persistent like water is persistent. Like Hanukkah oil burning for eight days is persistent."

That's me! All my strength, all my best qualities come from the fact that I have  above all things  persistence. All else follows. And the bundle makes me unique.

10 Canards and 2 Great Truths

ca-nard: an unfound story or belief

1.”It is what it is.” No, it is what we make it. As a wise man once said: "So our troubles, we believe, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves."

2. “Oh you know how I am.” A fine way to guarantee that you never improve.

3. ”It is good to think outside of the box.” Yes, but it is best to find the box first, then think outside of it.

4. “l am more creative when...” I am most creative when I work. Creativity is awarded to the busy.

5. “To the speedy go the spoils.” I never really started gaining wealth until I had enough courage to finally quit trying to achieve it. I then began to receive it in abundance.

6. “I'm not hurting anyone but me.” Oh yeah? Just ask your family how that works.

7. “The millionaire’s Bentley.” Many who must drive a fancy car, live in a fancy house, wear fancy jewelry, never really gain true liquid wealth. Read The Millionaire Next Door.

8. “I can quit anytime I want.”  Oh really?

9. “Lotteries make one rich.” Lottery, a hot stock, bitcoin, casinos… the list goes on. If you want to take risk, open a business. "Nothing that's easy is worth a shit. Nothing that's worth a shit is easy." Vic Thompson 1976.

10. “Smooth talkers talk smoothly.” Trust your gut or ask your spouse. If it sounds too good to be true, it almost always is.

Two Great Truths.

1.You can't out give a giver.

2. You can never give a taker quite enough.

The Gift

It was while talking with my psychiatrist about a recent near fatal mishap that he laid this on me: "You have a death wish." Well great!

Now there are two actions that I know of that may lead to some solution; one calls for several years with my shrink, the other calls for using invisible tools and taking maybe several weeks. I like choice number two.

Choice number two calls for power. Power to see clearly, to make connections that lead to discovery. Power to find the root. One's got to call on the power of prayer. A paper, a pencil, a quiet room, and a prayer that goes something like this: "God help me with your light."amen.  

A moment of silence, a bit of meditation, then placing pen or pencil to paper. Maybe nothing comes. Oh well, try again later. Or… Maybe something comes to mind and the light begins to shine. Connections begin to be made. The gift of clarity. The Gift.

Now I have no idea what your gift will look like. Mine looked like this:

A four year old boy falling on a driveway era 1952 or so. Lots of black eyes, lots of bruises, lots of attention from a family that seldom cared. "Oh my God, there's the link!" Trauma brings attention, and attention means love. No love? Self-pity. Self driven fear of losing love or never getting love at all. That holds the root. 

The root is fear. Fear can be conquered. Anxiety can be thwarted by the calm that comes from the power of prayer and meditation. Or anxiety may be reduced by confessional sharing with trusted spiritual advisors, or trusted professional counselors of one sort or another.

Fear lifted, behavior changed. No more wrecks for me.

But Wait… I'm The Come Back Kid.

I read a story of a pilot, who had come near death several times in accidents connected to flying. In counseling he revealed that he "always landed on his feet". His psychiatrist observed that in order to land on your feet, you've got to fall off of something. Or in his case… out of something – the air.

Well I am that kind of guy. I've always considered myself a "come back kid." Many of us do. It's a fairly common title.

But in my life, as I came back from various types of accidents and several near fatal encounters, I had to face this fact: I set myself up for these mishaps to prove that I was worthy of your attention. Everybody adores a come back kid.

My last accident, at age 71, nearly took my life. In counseling,  my psychiatrist tagged me with a new reality. 

Jokingly I stated "hell I've broken nearly every damn bone in my body!" Then I chortled about putting myself in danger during a rocket attack in Vietnam.  My doctor turned to me and rather sternly remarked "you've got a death wish."

What does one do with that?

Next month.

What's love got to do with it?

At a dear friend's 50th anniversary dinner, Edward (Not his real name) told a story about a couple, who after 25 years of matrimony, had decided to part "because they weren't happy." Ed asked this question: "What does happiness have to do with marriage?" As if marriage makes you happy. As if marriage makes you malcontented.

Happiness is an inside job. The inside job includes prayer, meditation, study, exercise and frugality. All habits that have made me the kind of person that attracted my wife of 23 years. Has marriage made her happy? No. She was happy when we met, and as we've each sculpted our visions of happiness, this union has continued to be a power. The bond itself creates a power that transcends all understanding.

As Irving Singer has put it, "we are living during a period in which large numbers of people have renounced their faith in love."

"Though many people are afraid of not being loved, it may well be that even more they are afraid of loving. For this reason, love, like many of the other virtues, relies upon the virtue of courage. Since love requires commitment without guarantees, giving without the assurance of receiving, intimacy with the exposure of vulnerability, love demands courage -- the ability to take a risk even though it may lead to disappointment and pain." - Rabbi Byron L. Sherwin, Ph.D. "Crafting the Soul". p.160

Intentions

I don't set goals-benchmarks-that I must hit.

I do have intentions. That is,  visions that I have conjured, that portend a life I'd love to live.

Goals are achieved, driven by fear fueled motivation.

Intentions are received over time. 

Goals are often set in a negative pallet: "I won't eat junk food".  "I'll quit smoking by…"

Intentions are voiced positively: "I am a smaller person as time passes, I am able to eat less by accounting for calories each day".

I voice my intentions and then I set out to work on myself. By being calm each day, by affirming my intentions in the morning,  by becoming a whole person,

I am ready to rejoice 

for receiving my intentions for the day when I sit down in the evening. 

Go rejoice.

Goals or Intentions?

"80% of new years resolutions fail. Most by February," according to Johnathon Alpert author of "Be Fearless, Change Your Life in 28 Days."

He lists three reasons for failure. One cause of doomed resolutions are that they are often framed negatively. Things like: "Stop wasting money." "Stop eating junk food."

I call these types of resolutions "No dog, bad dog resolutions". And just as slapping a dog for peeing creates a cringing frighten mutt, so too do negative affirmations create cringing failed goal setter's.

But even positive sounding, specific goals can end poorly. Driven by a need to accomplish, we depend on fear driven motivation to hit our mark. And when we have our goal attained, have our goals achieved, we find that we are no less miserable than before. Goal setting leaves us unfulfilled. So why try?

The answer next month.

Legacy, Attraction, Exercising Age

 My 2020 dreamquest attracted a question that I've asked myself often: can I start the attraction process late in the game? Can I start dreaming for greater things when I'm 60 years old or older? 

Legacy. 

What will be my legacy? In this phase of my life I can look to build a grand example. And just what might that example be at my age 75, 80, 85, 90…? 

What Is my example to others as a spiritual man?

What is my example to others emotionally? 

What is my example of mental acumen?

What does superb physicality look like?

How does my material world shape up?

There was a time when being an elder meant you were one from whom others gained inspiration.

 For others to look up we must be grand examples...

Go dream.